Sale! Sale! Sale!
Sale! Sale! Sale!
Hey, buy our leftover things! Because, let's face it – your place is probably boring (stay with me, this is going somewhere). So why not add an exotic touch? Peruse our fine wares below and make us an offer on things we can't fit/don't want in our office, all leftover from a recent client event (Hey, I didn't say it was going anywhere exciting... but you're gonna stay with me now, right??)
Our amazing array of things we don't want, but you do:
#1: Magic Carpets
Why are rugs always on sale? We don't know. But we're not going to argue with the rule, so here you'll find two plush wool-blend Turkish rugs measuring 240x170cm, 550 000 points (for the rug geeks out there) in an intricate woven pattern. They've been used twice each for decoration for a period of around three hours. By my calculations, if you buy one of these rugs, you'll probably be about the 15th person to ever walk on it (for the record, Buzz Aldrin was second). They're good quality, which means they're designed to last a lifetime. In Australia, that's about 78 years (or 683 380 hours), so by another one of my calculations, they've got 99.9999956% of their life left in them. And we're selling them for $300 each, or about 50% of their retail value – that means you're saving about 49.9999956% off what they're actually worth. (And my high school teacher said I was no good at maths...)
#2: Cushions, you say?
My mate often says something about 'more cushion for the pushin'', and while I'm not sure what he means, we have a whole lot more cushions here. They're all around 40cmx40cm, and are available to adorn your digs in a variety of styles. Yours for the bargain price of $10 each, $20 a pair, or $30 for three. Yes, there's a pattern there. What, you want to haggle for a bulk discount? What does this look like – some sort of Arabian marketplace?? Well, ok then... make us an offer.
Bronze ones! P.S. They're not real bronze (come on, that just wouldn't be comfortable).
Bright ones! These are actually chair pads. Apparently that's something different to cushions.
Purple ones! As you can see, these ones are diamond-shaped. (Think about it...)
Orange ones! These would go best in the back of your Holden Sandman.
Gold soft ones (I don't know if you're supposed to iron cushions, but if you are then these ones definitely qualify)
Gold crinkly ones (I think they're very very old, or maybe they stayed in the bath too long).
Special one on its own... you know, if you were the compassionate type, you could save it from its lonely existence and give it a place on your lounge.
Pink ones! These are good if you like subtlety and understated elegance in your decorating.
Honestly, there's a cushion there for pretty much everyone's tastes (everything from Arabic to Paris Hiltonic).
#3: Do you love lamp?
And does your place not look Moroccan enough? Like you're boring and have never been anywhere interesting overseas? Well, fortunately, there's a lamp for that:
And another one:
Both are made from copper and are hand-beaten, with glass parts. I think they beat them before they put the glass in, because the glass isn't broken. You can have them for $60 each. They've been 'used' twice each, by which I mean 'looked at' on two occasions. They've still got plenty of life left I suspect. If you really love lamp, you can buy both for $100.
#4: Randomly awesome stuff
We've got a couple of other things too... I know, you're wondering what else you could possibly need to turn your place into a veritable Louvre or Guggenheim, but we do have something else amazing to offer you:
Plinths. Sixteen of them.
They're made of MDF, and slot together easily for that... you know, whatever that thing is that you want plinths for.
I personally spent some time thinking about what you could do with them, and in so doing proved how strong they are (I'm 90+kg):
They also come with a delightful off-white pearl fabric to cover them. Why not display your favourite cushions on these magnificent monuments to modern makeshift MDF manufacturing? They even come in a Bunnings galvanised toolbox. That's right, there really is something for everyone in this lot.
The tops and bases measure 450mmx450mm and they are either 620mm high or 920mm high (8 of each). They disassemble into four pieces: tops, bases, and two sides. If you're really into disassembly, they go into 12 pieces with the aid of a cordless drill (or 44 with a circular saw/1000 with an axe etc etc... but they may be hard to put back together after this).
Remember, you don't have to need them to purchase them – it's called an impulse buy. Apparently they're popular with Justin Bieber/Paris Hilton/Sarah Jessica Parker/Brad Pitt (delete whichever doesn't appeal to you). Incidentally, they all think the cushions are pretty cool too.
So, the plinths can be yours for $200 including the box. That's less than half of what some people are asking for jousting sticks. At this price, you can even just use the pieces of MDF for shelving or other building tasks. I'm pretty sure I saw an episode of Better Homes & Gardens where a tough tradie-type guy made something from MDF in about 5 minutes that made his kids really happy and didn't break the bank either.
#5: Batteries (with a difference)
We have 31 of these heavy buggers. Great paperweights, or for any 12V device you may have. Alternatively, you might want to replace your kids' lego blocks with these and watch the little guys buff up in no time.
Curiously, they also seem to have some sort of Artificial Intelligence... as I was preparing the camera, I noticed them swarm and then briefly form the following formation:
So, whether you want to hold down a lot of paper, build massive children, or brag to your friends about your collection of AI-possessing batteries, they're pretty impressive for the simple price of $15 ea (RRP $30). Or somewhat less if you choose to buy 5 or more of them. That's a fair charge for batteries, and we'll even throw in bad puns like that for free.
#6: Shelter
Remember that Maslow said that shelter is the second-most important thing we all seek. So here it is people, it's what you've been looking for since you last fed yourself: a shelter. Get it now so you can move on to higher order needs like sexual intimacy, adult education, and creative pursuits for self-actualisation. It can be yours (the tent, not self-actualisation) for just $80.
Don't be deceived by the picture – it's not located in North America. And it doesn't come with your parents' old outdoor setting either.
All items are available for pick up only from St Leonards (Sydney) about 100m from the train station. You're welcome to check out the items in person if you don't get how photographs work, or you want to have a pillow fight with the cushions. You can have a battery fight as well if you like, but we'll stand at a distance.
Please contact me by leaving a comment, or emailing me at apwilson@me.com if you have any questions about how awesome all this stuff is.
For no particular reason, check out my company website here www.theotherdimension.com while you're procrastinating from whatever work you're supposed to be doing.
Thanks for looking and spamming all your friends with a link to this site so I can sell this stuff and finally get my office space back. There's been no room for the Xbox or Playstation lately and I'm getting far too much work done.
***UPDATE***
After reading this, Lauren has just contacted me via Facebook to ask me to also post a link to her fridge sale on here. Well, here you go Lauren, delighted to be of service: http://sydney.gumtree.com.au/c-Stuff-for-Sale-homeware-furniture-outdoor-white-goods-Whirpool-Fridge-for-Sale-200-W0QQAdIdZ202348487
I wonder if that guy Craig is worried that I'm going to start a bigger list than him?
